Our Birth Story: June 2, 2016

Another mundane day of sitting on my couch, binge watching Netflix, reading and trying to eat enough snacks at the right times to keep my blood sugar down.  I talked with my dad on Skype and lamented how bored I was.  My only perk was going to my biophysical ultrasound appointment.

At the appointment, Baby B had moved head down--yay!  I mentioned that I had been feeling braxton hicks off and on throughout the morning, but nothing out of the ordinary.  When I got into the car to head home and had a stronger contraction.  Hmm.  That's interesting timing, but didn't think much about it.  I had another contraction before reaching home on my 15 minute drive.  Now, when I say 'contraction' I mean a small tightening. Nothing major...or so I thought.


When I got home I decided to lay down and drink water to see if the contractions were because of being dehydrated.  I messaged Aaron about my day and told him I was having painless contractions.

When Aaron came home early he encouraged me to call the nurse line to just double check. When I talked with her, told her I was 4 centimeters dilated at last visit and was having painless contractions about 10 minutes apart, she advised me to just go into the hospital. Just in case, she said.

We called my aunt, who was planning to stay with the kids. It was a chaotic get-pizza-on-the-table, answer-school-questions-from-kids, listen-to-noninteresting-kid-stories-about-random-things, try-to-remember-all-I'd-packed, all while trying to remain calm for the kids who thought it was just another evening in the Bryant household.  They were so oblivious to the moment we were entering, it was almost surreal watching them eat their pizza and tell their stories while Aaron and I moved almost like robots through the motions of getting to the hospital.

Once we arrived I almost felt silly because I wasn't in great pain. I remember needing a wheelchair for Henry because I couldn't walk to the labor and delivery floor with the pain of the contractions. I remember trying to hold back the moans/groans (maybe screams) in the car with Elliot because Samuel and Henry were in the back seat until we dropped them off.  Here I was checking in with barely any pain at all.  In the midst of our small talk the nurse checking me in mentioned the doctor who was on call.  My doctor! In this day and age, the chances of my doctor being on call, who knew my story and my situation, delivering my babies, was so rare! I said a silent prayer and my anxiety fell.

We were ushered back to a triage room and a nurse came in to check how far dilated I was. 6 cm.  She looked up at me, "Well, it looks like your twins' birthday is June 2. We won't be sending a pregnant-with-twins mama home at 6 cm."  Aaron and I just looked at each other. What else where we to do?

From that point, I was prepared for surgery.  I was given some medicine to stop the contractions because the granola bar and milk I had eaten would mess with the anesthesia. So, we had to wait. We were also waiting in line to get into the operating room. My doctor was busy with another c-section.  So, here we were, Aaron and I, watching the Minnesota Twins game on TV, just waiting.  No pain, no crazy. Just sitting there.  It was again so surreal.  This is labor?

Around 8:30 the nurse asked if I wanted to walk or ride to the operating room. Um, is that even a question? I don't want to walk with this extra weight ever again! I rode.

After being prepped and losing my feeling from the chest down, the doctor began.  It was the weirdest feeling knowing the babies were being delivered and all I felt were these strange pushing and pulling sensations.  The doctor popped Baby A up over the blue screen. "It's a boy!"

I chuckled. Aaron smiled. Four boys. Baby A was rushed to get cleaned up and weighed.  Baby A (later Theo) had his own nurse team.  While they were busy out of my range of vision, the doctor pushed and pulled and pushed some more to turn Baby B so he could be delivered head first as well. "It's another boy!"  Now Aaron and I both laughed.  What?!?!

I lay prone and immobile on the operating table and the sounds swirled around me. It's then the tears began to fall.  Baby B (Abraham) also had his own nurse team. The ladies in the room were giggling and oohing and ahhing. They dragged Aaron back and forth to take pictures with his phone.  They brought the babies to my face to take pictures with me. They laughed and congratulated the babies for being so healthy.  There were so many people squished into that small room, all celebrating.

But to me it was just this swirling of noise and beauty and relief and joy.  And relief. Did I mention relief? I was done. It was finished.  The overwhelming joy of having two babies, two baby boys, was coupled with the immense joy of no longer being massively pregnant.   Wave upon wave of emotion washed over me and the tears silently fell as I watched babies and nurses and Aaron come in and out of my line of view. My nurse quietly wiped the tears away and the celebration in the operating room continued swirling around me.

Blessed beyond measure.
Theodore William.
Abraham John.

Little brothers to Samuel Emmett. Henry Carl. Elliot James.
Praise be to God.

36 Weeks + 4 days: Welcome!

The babies are here! (I'll write a birth story later, but it's a little busy around here right now).


June 2nd, 2016

Theodore William Bryant was born at 9:12pm. He weighed 6lbs and 7oz.  He is Baby A.


Abraham John Bryant was born at 9:14pm.  He weighed 5lbs 5oz.  He is Baby B.

Abraham spent the night in the NICU to be monitored because of his low birth weight. All was good and he came back up to our room the next day.

We got home yesterday, Sunday, mid morning and have been just loving it!

Thanks for all of your support, your continued prayers, and encouragement on this journey.

What a reward to receive; a true gift of God. I look at these two precious individuals, with budding personalities, and am floored by the honor it is to be able to call them my boys.

36 Weeks: Bored...

The good news... We've made it to 36 weeks. Yippee! The bad news... I'm bored.  This bedrest thing is great for the babies, but wow, I'm going out of my mind sitting around watching the world go by (or my family go by).  I move from the living room out to our 3-season porch. Then, I use the bathroom, pretty much every single time I stand up, and move to our TV room.  I sit there for awhile and then repeat the locations.  I watch movies, I read, I paid the bills, I folded clothes. I started working on Elliot's Christmas stocking that does actually need to get done, but then I get bored and don't do a thing.  Just sit.  It's not like I'm desperate for visitors or anything like that. I like being alone; the introvert in me. When I think about it though, I'm really excited that we've made it this far.  The babies are growing and passing all of their little NST and biophysical tests.

This week was two more appointments.  I am still dilated 4cm, which means the bedrest is working.  Taking the pressure off has lessened my Braxton Hicks contractions too.  The babies passed their biophysical ultrasound on Thursday. They were taking a nap when we started and she was able to get their heart rates, measure their amniotic fluid, check their blood flow from the placenta, but they weren't moving.  We tried laying on my side, drinking a large glass of cold water, shaking my belly.  Finally, they started waking up and moving enough to pass their little test.   Since I knew they had just been moving around while I was sitting in the waiting room, I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do a second test... thankfully, I was able to leave with them both scoring their 8/8 points.

Next up are more appointments this week and more bedrest.  Oh, another thing I'm tired of... watching what I eat! I'm tired of protein bars, apples, peanut butter, and eggs.  I tend to eat what I know will work for my blood sugar, but it limits the selection. I'd rather just play it safe instead of experiment with different foods.  Breakfast is always the same, my evening snack is always the same.  I change it up at lunch and supper, but that's just because I have so many people bringing us meals.  It's not much longer, and my failed experiments mean high blood sugar for the babies too, so I just keep eating the same snacks day in and day out.  Awesome.

Picture taken by myself as my family is out on a walk, leaving me behind again! :-) I need one of those motorized wheelchairs. Ha!

35 Weeks: Counting Down...

Well, the big news this week is that I quit working on Wednesday.  I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and because I am dilated to between 3-4 cm, the doctor told me to quit working and to rest.  So resting I am.  I'm able to get up to use bathroom, to shower, and to do "light cooking."  I'm not sure how light that means, but basically I don't do much.

I haven't gone totally bored yet because my sister came up to visit and my aunt was here another day. We'll see how that all pans out this next week.  I have been reading, which is honestly something I absolutely love to do. Now I can read to my hearts content without feeling guilty that I have something else I should be doing.  Yes, there are chores to do, but I just sit, sit and read.

Now that the end is in sight, I've been searching and reading discussion posts about when and how labor has started for moms of twins.  I feel like I don't even know what to expect when I'm sure it's much like every other labor I've had!  When will it happen? Will the babies need NICU time? Will I make it to 38 weeks and my scheduled c-section? Can you be dilated to almost 4cm for 3 weeks?  Will my water break first? Based on the doctor's prediction I guess I can forget about the easy go-to-the-scheduled-csection-and-forget-about-contractions-labor-pushing-pain! Oh well.

My ultrasound biophysical test was fine again.  Baby A is pushing lower and lower (hence the dilation) and Baby B has decided to start turning head down as well. They measure 5 lbs 11 oz and 5 lbs 15, give or take some. The measurements aren't entirely accurate but based on an educated guess after measuring the femur bone (not taking into account a big or little thigh!), the head and the stomach.  The ultrasound technician was as chipper as ever and the babies were so squished in there it would have been near impossible to get any kind of cute face shots. I have plenty of pictures of the kids and grainy ultrasound pictures are fine, but nothing like the real deal!

So, I continue to hobble around, feel huge, and just wait this thing out!  Short post, I know, but it's just this waiting game right now that we all feel at the end of pregnancy.

34 Weeks: Thankful

Honestly, I'm done. I'm tired and I'm done. Aaron and the boys are going out for a walk and I don't remember the last time I went for a walk. I want to go for a walk. But, they are all out of the house and so when deciding what to write tonight, I was reminded of way back in high school. 

My sister was in elementary school and it was her first time away from Mom and Dad at boarding school. Every single afternoon, I would walk up to her house or to the playground and find her.  She would be an emotional mess some days and other days withdrawn, but always sad.  She was homesick.  I didn't know how to make things better, but had an idea.  Each time I came up, we made a list of things that were good that day, things she was thankful for.  Often times, the list was short and superficial, like she had french fries for lunch, or the sun was shining.  But, over time, it helped.  Thinking about her list of thanks, in the midst of my weariness, I am going to make a list of thanks for this week, because I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot.  (By the way, she loved boarding school and doesn't regret starting so early!)

1. I'm thankful for my ultrasound technician. She makes me laugh and since I see her every week, she remembers me. She just chatters the entire time.  I love that she looks at these grainy pictures and oohs and aahs over the baby anatomy. "Oh, look at that beautiful gall bladder!" I'm thinking, that black spot? Beautiful? I guess I'll take your word for it. Really, not sure that I care about beautiful gall bladders, but she does.  She showed me that Baby A was gnawing on his/her fist and we could see the little tongue sucking motions.  That was amazing.  She is upbeat, encouraging, and loves the details of her job.  

2. I'm thankful for the church family that took Henry and Elliot with them on Saturday from about 10am until late in the afternoon.  The house noise level went from loud and 2-year-old crazy, to so quiet, we didn't know what to do with ourselves. I took a nap. Aaron took a nap. We sat on the couch and just sat.  It was amazing and so needed.  Thank you. 

3. I'm thankful for my boys. Samuel and Henry have been so helpful and they don't complain. They don't complain when I ask Samuel to lift Elliot into the crib at night because I can't.  They don't complain when I ask them to play with Elliot on the playground because I can't. They get me water, snacks, and reach down to pick the things off the floor that I can't reach any longer. I'm so thankful for them.  

4.  Speaking of family, I am thankful for Aaron. I came home from work on Friday and beautiful,  yellow tulips were waiting for me on the clean kitchen counter.  He reminded me of our wedding vows and added "in chaos and in peace."  Yep! Why that phrase isn't in the traditional vows I don't know, but after 12 years, much of it chaos, I think it should be added.  I'm just thankful that he does it all.  

5. I'm thankful for my mother and father-in-law who took time off work to spend the entire day at our house on Monday cleaning, going grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, folding and washing mountains upon mountains of laundry, and filling our freezer with meals.  Amazing. 

6. I'm thankful for the continuous Monday meals my sister makes and the laundry folding and house cleaning my aunt does every single Tuesday.  Again, just amazing. 

7.  I'm thankful that I have a group of students this year that allow me to teach from desk. They don't require me to move to them, to use my "proximity" classroom management. They get their work done, they help pass out papers, and they don't cause me grief.  Any of you middle school teachers out there know that this might be a small miracle in itself!  I did tell them they were in double trouble if I had to get out of my seat to take care of their behavior... Just this week, one student took the papers out of my hand saying, "Why are you standing, Mrs. Bryant? Sit down, I'll do this for you."  They are so great.  Without classes like this I would not be working at 34 weeks. No way. 

8. I'm thankful that it's 34 weeks! I've made it to another milestone.  If I delivered before 34 weeks, I'd have to travel so far to a hospital that could handle the little babies.  Now, I can deliver at the hospital that is closest to us.  Bring on the babies! 

9.  I'm thankful for my sister who has given of her time to donate milk to our little babies. If they are in the NICU, if I can't produce enough, if they need a supplement, she has been storing little bags of milk for me and I know that's not easy.  Like they say, "liquid gold."  Thank you for the sacrifice.  

10.  I'm thankful for a life group that stands beside us and a group of people, all busy themselves, that ask how they can give of themselves to make our lives just a little bit easier. 

These 10 things that I'm thankful for are all just from this week.  Yes, I'm exhausted and burned out. I told Aaron I think God planned pregnancy this way so that by the time a woman gets to this point, she's so ready for it to be done, she is completely ready to just have the kids!  He said, "except you've been miserable the whole time." Well, yes, in differing degrees, I have been. It's been a hard road, but it's been a good road too.  

This week is another non-stress test and doctor check on Tuesday and then a biophysical ultrasound on Thursday. Did you know that most twin moms see the doctor only once a week at this point and do the ultrasound, non-stress test, and OB check all at one time? My doctor prefers I see someone twice a week so that the babies are never a few days out from being check. I should add that to number 11 of things I'm thankful for-- a cautious doctor. It's a lot of appointments, but I prefer it this way.  My babies are well cared for and checked often.  

Thank you! Thank you. I could have gone on an on with the things I'm thankful for, like the comments on Facebook, the emails, and messages.  But, this post is getting quite long!  

P.S. My sweet boys just got back from their walk and brought me lilacs. 

33 Weeks: Hangin' in There!

Happy Mother's Day to me! Really, right now, every day is Mother's Day around here.  When Aaron asked what I wanted for a special meal for him to make, I wanted to laugh-- special meal? That I didn't have to make? I haven't been cooking for awhile now and Aaron has taken the reins on cooking along with all of the meal help we've had from my sister and others.  Him making me a meal would be one more thing for him to do in the midst of all that he is currently doing around here. Bless him.

The big news around here is that at my appointment on Monday the doctor told me I had started dilating to 2 cm and was 80% effaced.  Here's the way that went down.

I knew that I wanted to ask about bed rest and about how long women typically work during a twin pregnancy.  I was hooked up to my first non-stress test (NST)--a combination of heart monitors for the babes, a contraction monitor for me, and a button to press each time I felt movement.  In the midst of pressing the button over and over with the active playing that goes on inside non-stop all day, my doctor came into check in on me.

He sat down on the chair and asked, "So, how are things going?"

"Well, basically the same." I then asked him when labor would just be allowed to progress, without trying to stop it and when to stop working.  He smiled that nerdy smile that he has, it's endearing and I've grown to really trust him and his judgement.  Maybe it's because I have seen him so much and he actually knows me now, I'm not just another name on a chart he quickly runs through before entering the room.

He said, "Well, you are 32 weeks which means you are probably carrying like you are 37 weeks along.  This isn't any different than a pregnant woman carrying one child at 37 weeks."

Meanwhile I'm thinking in my head, "Uh, no. I've had three single pregnancies, and this is different.  I don't care that I'm only measuring 37 weeks, it feels like 47!"

He continued, "When you start measuring 42 weeks, let's talk about quitting work.  I can write up the papers for you anytime, but you are going to be so bored if you just stay home all day. You should just keeping working as long as you can." Bored?!? Maybe, but I doubt it!

This conversation happened while I was still strapped to the NST machine, counting movements and watching their little hearts steadily beat.  They passed their test.  However, when he did get around to checking me, he smiled that same smile again, "Well, you're 2 cm dilated. Now we need to have a different conversation. You'll be on an increased schedule."

What this means is that I have go to work late, at 9am. After "helping" to get the kids ready in the morning, they leave around 6:30am. Then, I head to the couch and lay down until 8:30 when I go to work. When I come home from work I lay on the couch again for another 2 hours.  I've been doing this all week and I go back again tomorrow to see if I'm still dilating. If I am, I'll be put on a more restricted rest schedule. I'm really nervous.

A part of me wants to be done working. But, I don't want to lay in bed all day either. I want these babies out, but I want them to be healthy and safe. I want to be able to stand up, walk where I want to go, at any pace I feel like. Instead I stand, pause for the pain to ease, and then hobble to where I need to go, sit down again at the earliest possible point.  I want to grab whatever I feel like eating. But, I don't want to have these babies deal with effects of gestational diabetes.

This post is getting really long, but besides learning about non-stress tests, I've also had an ultrasound this week called a biophysical.  Each baby needs to earn 8 points from the technician. They get points for their fetal breathing (practice breathing that shows their lungs are developing), their movements, their heart rate, and the amount of amniotic fluid they each have.  Both passed easily on Thursday. If either of them were to fail their test, I'd hook up to the NST and then if I still failed, we'd head to the hospital. Again, tomorrow, if the kiddos fail their NST test, then I'll do an ultrasound right away to double check what's happening. The ultrasound technician said that sometimes they fail their NST because one of them is sleeping and we don't count as much movement.

So, I'm "hangin' in there" and without the help we've received, this pregnancy would not be as manageable as it has been. I'm so grateful, beyond grateful for the love shown to our family.  It's truly amazing, humbling, and life giving as we hobble to the end here.

32 Weeks: Trust.

The speaker at church this morning said that rather than pray for clarity in our life, our future, our situation, to instead pray to trust God more.  God doesn't always give us clarity at the times we think we desperately need it, but we need to trust that He is God. Our life is God's plan, His choices, and for His glory.  Do I pray to trust God more? No, I usually pray for that clear direction.  It was a good reminder today to take each day, sometimes each moment, at a time and learn to trust in just that next step.

This week has been all about trying to figure out this gestational diabetes thing, and really feeling like I'm totally unsure of what I'm doing! The diabetes educator was super helpful, basically telling me that I'm not eating enough--eat more, as if I'm not eating all day long as it is.  However, I can't keep my morning numbers down.  Gestational diabetes is caused entirely because of the hormones that the placenta creates.  Hormone levels are highest in the morning and because I have two placentas, even higher. My body is unable to compensate for the surge of hormones making my blood sugar rise.  Long story short, I learned to inject myself with insulin each night before I go to bed.  I was a bit freaked out, but it isn't as bad as it seemed at first. She made me practice at the clinic with an empty needle, just to see what it feels like--in my stomach. Yep.  She said, "Oh, you have so many stretch marks. Let's try not to inject around any stretch marks." Yes, yes I do.  My belly is a war path of the multiple children that have grown inside of me, and having two this time has not improved the situation, but only created more jagged lines and scars all across my mid section.  So, I inject where there aren't any scars.  I think my skin is mostly numb though, so I don't even feel the needle, which by the way, is only a 1/4 inch long.  All this to say, I'm not thrilled with the situation, I wish this all were over, but in the end, I gotta do what I gotta do.  These babies need more time, they need a healthy blood sugar level from me, so if I have to poke myself all over the place, so be it.

It's that reminder again to trust instead of ask for clarity.  Trust.

I start my two times a week visits tomorrow.  The end is near and I'm ready to be done.  My energy level is low, I can't walk very well, and now I snore.  I think I probably snored with the other kids too, but I'm not sure.  I bought some of those breathe right strips-- very classy to go along with my monster pillows.  Poor Aaron is first kicked out of our bed and now gets to lay awake while I snore away, then moan as I roll over.  Ha! I can't even lay on my back for more than a few seconds now because the weight of those babies is so heavy.

32 weeks.  This is the milestone I've been waiting for. I'm not sure, but I think that if I were to go into labor now, they wouldn't try to stop it.  I'll get clarity (get it?) from the doctor tomorrow when I see him, but we're getting down there.  I'm also going to see what the doctor says about working 40 hours a week at this point.

Car seats are in; that was a creative feat in itself to try to make 4 carseats fit into one car.  Aaron figured it out and although tight, I think it will work. Right now the two big boys are in the back. We might move Elliot back there instead just because it cuts down on the squabbling from the back if they aren't together!  We bought a futon off of craigslist this afternoon, so we are ready for those long-term visitors (thanks Moms!) when they come to help out.

This is kind of a rambling post, but that's kind of what it's like right now, just rambling spurts as my mind races from one to-do list to the next, but here I sit, because actually getting up and doing that list is a little too much right now.  Oh well-- sometime.  :-)

31 Weeks: Numbers

Numbers this week, in no particular order. 

4. How many pounds little Baby A weighs, with sibling B falling close behind at 3 lbs. 14 oz.

76. Their percentile, if they were alone in my belly. As it is, they are together... Who knows what percentile that is--big!

2. The number of appointments I'll be having per week, starting next week! Can't go more than a few days without some type of check up.

95. The elusive blood sugar number I'm supposed to be under when I wake up, before breakfast. It's not happening and I think insulin shots may be in my future. Boo. I have an appointment on Thursday to check in and see what's next. 

2. The number of placentas I have that produce so many hormones...the cause of the morning blood sugar numbers being too high.

124. Number of blood pricks I'll do until these children arrive!

30. Pounds I've gained so far.

7. Number of weeks left! If that...

2500. Calories I'm eating each day. The diabetes educator told me I wasn't eating enough.  Now, I eat ALL. THE. TIME. 

64. Ounces I drink a day. 

15. Number of minutes Elliot's ear tube surgery took, from start to waking up. He had so much fun, he didn't want to go home.

1. The number of times I need to get up to use the bathroom during the night. 

5? 6? 10? The number of times I wake up during the night to make the roll from left side to right or back to my left. Maybe it just feels like 10. 

1. Inches between my belly and the steering wheel. I'm not sure what I'll do when I start scraping the the steering wheel while I'm driving. My legs are too short to go back any further. Maybe recline?!?

30 Weeks: Sunshine!

I've really enjoyed this week. Yes, the beginning was frustrating as I tried to get a handle on what gestational diabetes means. Talking with others who have done the same was SO much better than researching the vast, often conflicting, information on the Internet. It's going to be just fine. I have an appointment with the diabetes educator on Tuesday and hopefully that will confirm my thoughts that it isn't too bad. Although, I did tell Aaron I was expecting a huge deep dish pizza as soon as possible after the delivery!

But, I'm just getting so excited this week. I had a little family "sprinkle" and the gifts, painting little onesies, and praying for the twins just made it seem so real.

I washed some diapers and some blankets this weekend too. Such cute little prefolds. Wow, the babies are on their way.

The sun is shining and beautiful and that just makes everything seem better. I had to find my one pair of maternity shorts in my closet...I've never been pregnant in April before and have never needed shorts! But, I love that it's warm enough to warrant the wearing of shorts-- pale, cankle legs and all!

I gave the three boys their summer buzz cuts this afternoon, and although it has nothing to do with being pregnant, minus having to take a sitting break between each one, it's just one more reminder that summer is on its way!

With the positive week behind, this upcoming week is a busy doctor week. Tuesday AM Elliot has his tubes surgery for his endless ear infections. Then, in the afternoon I learn more about diabetes. Wednesday afternoon I have another ultrasound and an OB appointment.

I want to end with this poem that I was given at my shower. I think I want to put it up in their bedroom somehow (with that extra time...).

Baby 

by George MacDonald

Where did you come from, baby dear?

Out of the everywhere into the here. 

Where did you get those eyes so blue?

Out of the sky as I came through. 

What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?        

Some of the starry spikes left in. 

Where did you get that little tear?

I found it waiting when I got here. 

What makes your forehead so smooth and high?

A soft hand strok’d it as I went by.  

      

What makes your cheek like a warm white rose?

I saw something better than any one knows. 

Whence that three-corner’d smile of bliss?

Three angels gave me at once a kiss. 

Where did you get this pearly ear?        

God spoke, and it came out to hear. 

Where did you get those arms and hands?

Love made itself into bonds and bands. 

Feet, whence did you come, you darling things?

From the same box as the cherubs’ wings.  

      

How did they all just come to be you?

God thought about me, and so I grew. 

But how did you come to us, you dear?

God thought about you, and so I am here.

29 Weeks: Gestational Diabetes...Boo.

May the mind of Christ, my Savior

live in me from day to day, 

by his love and power controlling 

all I do and say. 

I found out on Saturday that I do indeed have gestational diabetes. Boo. I don't know much more than that.  I have a little app that tells me my test results, so I haven't actually talked to a doctor or anyone else about it.  I was pretty bummed.  Then, in church today, we sang this song as our opening hymn. A flood of memories came rushing through me because Aaron and his dad sang this song at our wedding.  I was reminded of our beginnings. I was reminded of the "mind of Christ, my Savior" and to focus not this one-more-thing-to-add-to-the-twin-pregnancy-list, but instead to focus on the larger picture.  His love and power can control all I do and say. 

May the word of God dwell richly 

in my heart from hour to hour, 

so that all may see I triumph 

only through his power. 

Sometimes it is "hour to hour" that I need to be reminded of who I am.  It is in each hour that I may recognize the triumphs.  I look back at our 12 years of marriage and the triumphs that have been ours to name.  This pregnancy today will also be a triumph, only through His power.  

May the peace of God, my Father, 

rule my life in everything, 

that I may be calm to comfort 

sick and sorrowing. 

Peace.  Some days I wonder what that looks like.  Aaron spent most of his spring break this week caring for a sick baby... again... Elliot had tonsillitis, plus a double ear infection. We are moving ahead with tubes in his ears.  Peace was seeing our boy's fun personality return, with his energy and his chatter.  I'm learning that peace isn't always quiet. Peace isn't always relaxing. Peace rules my life that I may be calm to comfort. This pregnancy has felt anything but peace, but singing this song this morning reminded me of the calm that comes resting in God's plan. 

May the love of Jesus fill me 

as the waters fill the sea. 

Him exalting, self abasing: 

this is victory. 

It's all God, isn't it.  May the love of Jesus fill me.  My victory is not in myself or even in my diagnosis, my road ahead (of no desserts!!), or in the pregnancy itself. Let me find victory beyond myself. 

May we run the race before us, 

strong and brave to face the foe, 

looking only unto Jesus 

as we onward go. 

I'm not sure I'll be running anywhere soon, but this journey has felt like a race, and this pregnancy has felt like the foe at times.  However, onward I go. I need help to look to Jesus, to be brave, to be strong.  This is the only stanza that says "we" instead of "I" or "we." This pregnancy is a race we've embarked on and alone I would not be moving forward.  Together, I am able. 

All this to say, I have gestational diabetes. It's just one more step in this journey called twin pregnancy.  Thanks to the choice of music in church today because it made this unknown path seem bearable, less overwhelming, and OK. 

28 weeks: Yay Third Tri!

I'm typing this blog post from the comfort of the urgent care. What better place to write about being pregnant than in an uninterrupted space...because you know it will be awhile before they call my name. Nothing like hemorrhoids on a Sunday afternoon. I've never had such bad hemorrhoids, so yeah, just add that to the  list. The thought of sitting in a hard church pew this morning had me at home all morning playing with Elliot.  Great game he made up of laying on the couch and grimacing when getting up. He thought he was so funny!

This week has been up and down. I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Everything looked fine with strong heartbeats and a closed cervix. I'm measuring 35 weeks. At this rate I'll be measuring 11 months when I go in for my c-section! I have my next appointment in about 2 more weeks and that will include another ultrasound.

I did my glucose, gross drink, test on Wednesday as well. I did my best to eat perfectly, but still managed to fail it. I have to go back on Friday for the 3 hour test. Praying that test will show up negative. 

On Tuesday we went out to eat, taking advantage of Green Mill's "kids eat free" deal. Aaron and I kept peeking, let's be honest...staring, at the small family with their huge limo stroller carrying infant twins. They were out. They looked pretty well put together and their toddler  daughter seemed content. They didn't do much eating, but as soon as the rest of their friends showed up, they got to rest their arms- Dad had one baby and Mom had the other, with big sister coloring in the middle. Note that none of  their friends had kids with them, so Aaron and I decided that we need to find some friends without kids, just for occasions like these! Hah! In all seriousness, it was just a little glimpse into our possible world and it kinda fun to see.

P.S. I get to add a little hemorrhoid "surgery" for Monday.

27 Weeks: Happy Easter!

Busy. Our morning started with Easter baskets, breakfast, Samuel's birthday presents, and rushing off to church. We did rush because as we picked up speed after getting out of our neighborhood we looked back to see Elliot's shoes fly off the top of the car where we'd left them while putting him in his carseat! Also forgot the birthday invitations for our bigger boys... yep, just a day in the life of the Bryant household.

I feel like I'm getting into a routine, a "pregnant-with-twins" routine, if that's possible.  With my new braces, I make it through the school day and I can come home without completely collapsing right away. I heat up the quickest meal I can find for supper and by the time supper is done (after we've endured the endless chatter on a good day, the bickering on other days, and pure screams/tantrums on the worst days) that is when I collapse. I sit at the dining room table as it is cleared and the kitchen cleaned by the rest of my family in a flurry of boy activity.  The hardest days are Monday because I love my weekends. It's even harder when I have a three-day weekend like this one--glorious.

I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and I have my list of questions ready. Really it's a pretty short list but I am curious about anesthesia for my c-section.  My previous c-sections were not planned and I had to have general anesthesia for both.  I've never been 'awake' for a c-section before and am curious as to what it entails.  It's also the dreaded glucose testing for gestational diabetes. I almost failed it last time and had the awful 3 hour test getting blood drawn 3 times, once an hour.  After all of my sugar today for Easter, I'm going to be super healthy for the next three days in hopes I get great results--I don't want to do the 3 hour test, and I definitely don't want the gestational diabetes.
I told Aaron yesterday that I'm ready to just get this show on the road here... I'm ready to meet the little ones who clamor for space within in me.  I'm ready to deal with the parenting challenge and end the pregnancy challenge.  I'm ready to share the burdens, share the joys, even share the sleepless nights (although Aaron doesn't sleep so well either since I take up most of the bed space with my massive pillows, constant heaving while I turn over, and the snoring that has started).  I'm ready to go... let's get trimester 3 started!

(don't mind the overly casual clothes in the picture... I'd had enough of Easter clothes by the time I took the picture...)

26 Weeks: What if...

What if we had five boys? I pondered this on our way home from church today. The palm branches we were to be waving while we sang our first song quickly turned into weapons and swinging the branches as hard and fast as possible to make the loudest noise possible.  Then, the boys had made popsicle crosses for Palm Sunday and they were all turned into swords within 5 minutes of leaving church... two-year-old included. Sometimes the amount of noise and activity that little boys can produce is deafening, sometimes the noises and grunts that replace their words is baffling, and their wrestling and tumbling is overwhelming. I grew up with all sisters and if I'm honest with myself, I never dreamed I'd be a mother of boys. I love it though. I never dreamed I'd be a mother of twins, and two more boys or not, I know I will also love it.

What if they find something in an ultrasound?  I've never had so many ultrasounds before and I do love being able to see the littles moving around and thriving. I also am anxious each visit because of the 'what if' that goes along with seeing them.  However, my ultrasound on Tuesday went well. Baby A sits on my left and weighed in just under 2 lbs. Baby B is on my right and was also just under 2. Baby B still refused to turn to get the needed spine photos, but we are just going to keep trying. Not worried. My next ultrasound will be a growth ultrasound around 30 or 32 weeks and then an ultrasound every week after that to measure the size of the babies and the amount of amniotic fluid around them. 

What if I deliver early? Have our babies in the NICU? Although these are all real possibilities, I decided to do some research on averages for di-di twins (own sacs, own placentas).  I was so encouraged by what I found. Yes, all of the above are a possibility, but the amount of moms who delivered close to 38 weeks was encouraging.  Most of those moms also had babies in the 6-7 lb range and very few had any NICU time.  I had no idea there were different types of twins and I am so glad that the twins I carry are at the least risk for early delivery and NICU time.  

What if I can't stand and have to go on bedrest?  Yes, I know this also is a real possibilities and some days I wish I could just lay down for the rest of the pregnancy, but my realistic side knows that would add a ton of new issues.  So, my new research this week was how to keep my pressure/heaviness feeling at bay, especially while working. After a little internet research I invested in this crazy looking strap that resembles a boy's athletic strap (However, my strap has a little lace decoration--makes the idea of wearing this sooo much better...LOL). The reviews came back as that it worked wonders and... also shows through most clothing.  The reviews almost all said, "Who cares if it shows! I feel so much better!"  Funny how style goes out the window at times like these! HA!  I wore it on Friday and I am cautiously optimistic. I'm also waiting on a back brace to arrive. With both I hope I can stand for longer and stave off the bed rest that looms in the back of my mind. 

I continue to be blessed with meals, folded laundry, and my house vacuumed and swept. I don't know what I'd do without the love in action from all these friends and family. A public thank you! 

25 Weeks: June 13, 2016

I scheduled my c-section this week, June 13! As the nurse was giving me all of my instructions over the phone, what not to eat, when to arrive, etc, I was thinking, "Is this really happening?!?" It seems like it is still so far away...

I've been asked multiple times over the last few weeks, "How are you doing this? How are you working full time as a teacher, raising 3 children, and carrying 2 more?" I've thought about this and honestly, it would be impossible without Aaron.  Aaron has picked up and sacrificed his time, his energy, his free time to do what I cannot do, even in the middle of the night when Elliot isn't sleeping. He has always been the parent that jumps in with all that he is and when others laugh at their spouse's inability to cook, change diapers, dress, and run a household, I can't join in their laughter. I can't join in because Aaron isn't like that. When I've left, I've never had to pre-plan meals, set up a schedule, give instructions, or check my text messages throughout my absence. I've never had to pick up the pieces when I get back.  Aaron knows as much about how to raise our children as I do. He is involved in all of the details and he always has been. In this time of our life, in this stage, I can sit back and he just takes over. He just does it. When I tell him how lucky I am, he shrugs in his understated, humble way and doesn't even realize how special, how unique, he is among men!

This week has been my glorious spring break. I started strong on Monday and my sister came over to help me rearrange my dining room. I converted it into an extension of our living room with a changing table, spot for a pack n' play, a rocking chair, and all of the kid toys.  I wanted a space to do all of the infant stuff without needing to go upstairs.  I love it.  I worked way too hard and could barely walk by the time Aaron came home from work, but it was worth it.  After Monday, my list of things to do dramatically slowed down because Elliot was sick with hand, foot, mouth disease followed by another ear infection.  I spent much of my day rocking him and dealing with clingy boy, but maybe that was for the best--I couldn't tire myself out!

Celebrating Elliot's birthday with Nana and Poppa this weekend. 

I had an appointment on Tuesday that was pretty routine. I measured in at 31 weeks (with the tape measure method for singletons) and babies' hearts were beating away.  I spent much of the next day on the phone figuring out how to make my next appointments. I have my next appointment in 3 weeks and I didn't know if I needed to schedule a growth ultrasound, my glucose test, a regular appointment--all three?  It was back and forth between nurses leaving messages for doctors, mixed messages, until I finally was able to talk with my doctor's nurse directly. The end result is no growth ultrasound needed yet, yes I should do my glucose testing, and yes a regular appointment! Next time, I'll take copious notes during my appointment to make sure I have it all straight... where's the little printed schedule for twin mommies that I can just look at!? :-)

I have my next ultrasound tomorrow to get the rest of the pictures they couldn't get last time. Hopefully it's not two hours long again. I have the two big boys with me this time because they start their spring break and I'm going to try to bring them with me. I don't know the rules about kids in the room, but we'll see. They've never seen an ultrasound live before.

Onward we go.  I'm back to work on Tuesday and worried about my strength.  One day at a time.

24 Weeks: Milestone #1

We have made it to our first milestone! 50-70% of babies born at 24 weeks are viable outside the womb. Obviously,  I'd like a bigger percentage, but this is a good place to start.

This week has been busy!

-- We got a Y membership for our stir crazy boys. Winter is long and only so much  wrestling/running/rough play can happen indoors when it's too cold to go outside. But, the pregnancy advantage is that I sat in the pool and just soaked in the weightless feeling. It is wonderful. I get out out the pool and dream of the next time I can got back in (this has been in the more shallow area near the boys, so I have been trying to relax in the midst of kicking feet, random kids bumping into me and lots of splash avoiding...but it's worth it!)

--My sister and I went to the Moms of Multiples garage sale early Saturday morning. Expectant moms got in first, we were able to have a helper with us and had chairs to sit in at checkout. So many other pregnant moms- expecting multiples! I wanted two things: a Joovy Roo stroller frame and a Twin Z pillow. We were all waiting in anticipation behind the exersaucers and bikes and bouncers and strollers to be let loose. I teased my sister and told she should run when they let us through to grab the pillow I saw on our tour. I was like 10 steps too slow and another mom grabbed it! Boo. I never have been the aggressive type! I did find some super tiny cloth diapers, a few changing pads, and some other little things. It was fun and honestly, I kept looking at these moms who were running this sale with these thoughts. 1. Wow, their bodies are back to normal. 2. They are here without their twins...they have left the house! 3. They look so normal! Ha!

--Elliot's birthday was yesterday and I loved watching his pure joy running back and forth to tell us all about the Lightning McQueen cake, ripping his presents open, and just basking in undivided attention. Back to being pregnant with twins, my mind wants to walk fast, get out of my seat fast, and be a hostess. I feel it though. Seriously, after standing for more than 10 minutes I feel like my insides are going to drop right out. The pressure and soreness is tough at times. The only thing that helps is sitting down (or that glorious pool).

Finally, babies are moving and kicking off and on all day. I think they have different sleep schedules because I feel a lot of kicking. Two. Kicking. In me. Wow.

One more thing. I'm on spring break. Just me. I have my coffee. It's 7am. My toddler is still sleeping. Quiet bliss.

23 Weeks Going on 35!

This first picture is me, today, at 23 weeks. The second picture is also me, at 35 weeks, when I was pregnant with Elliot! I'm definitely larger at the 35 weeks, but not by much...oh my.

After throwing myself a little pity party for myself at the beginning of the week, I knew that the weekend was coming and I feel so great right now!  The sun and warmth came out in its fullest splendor, in the middle of the winter. It was great to have two days to myself, but I think the sunshine and the warmth on Saturday lifted my spirits. If you've ever lived in a state with long winter months, you know how the dark and the cold and cooped up feeling can just get to you. It gets to me every year and the 60+ degree day was just what I needed.  The windows flung open, fresh air, and no jacket was glorious.

As far as babies go, the biggest news is that we bought our car seats. It was surreal having the UPS guy drop both off at my porch. They sat in the living room and I just stared at them--two of them.  It's the first major purchase that we've made that we have had to make as a pair.  I think I mentioned this in last week's post, but each purchase or decision makes it all the more real.  It's a good real now, but real nevertheless.

Now that I'm pregnant with twins, I keep bumping into people who have twins or are a twin themselves. Really, twins are everywhere.  That's reassuring, knowing so many have survived, and not even survived, thrived, as parents and siblings of twins.  It's such a new world for me, but a world I think I'm ready mentally to begin.

Last quote of the day. One of the hall monitors I work with asked when I was due and the expression on her face when I told her June was priceless. She did call me a saint after I told her I was having twins, so I forgive her shocked expression! Ha!

22 Weeks: Hemorrhoids and Heartburn

Just a few to add the to the list.. Ha!  Besides the aches and pains that I'm learning are just a part of this new moment I'm living, I'm LOVING my new sleeping arrangement. Seriously, I should have had one of these pillows for my other three kiddos.  I am sleeping mostly through the night and it isn't a bear to roll over. I mean, it's a bear to roll over, because that's what big bellies do. But, I don't have to carry the pillow over too because it's the shape of a giant U.  Anyway, huge plus!

I bought our carseats today and they will be coming in a few days.  I think that after having other kids, if I have carseats, that's really the main thing I need. Everything else is a hand-me-down from the first kids or a hand-me-down from a friend.  One advantage of this being babies 4 and 5 is that friends are trying to clear out their stash of baby goods while I'm looking for extra.

I think everyone in the family has felt the little babies kicking. Elliot thinks that the babies are "so cute" but I really think he is just commenting on my belly button.  The little jabs start up high and then down low and then on the sides.  Sometimes I think I can figure out which little one is moving and other times I'm not so sure.  This is probably my favorite part about being pregnant, feeling the life inside of me while the world obliviously goes on around me.  I'm sitting listening to the sermon, watching TV, listening to one of the kids' stories (very intently of course), and at the same time there's this miniature dance going on inside that I'm also aware of.  It's special and unique.

Part of this process has me looking forward to what's coming up.  Part of that is my personality, always imagining what's next and then having a hard time being content in the now.  Here's what I'm looking forward to:

• Next weekend the big boys and Dad are off to a winter retreat and I plan to organize and sort... all from the comfort of sitting on the floor or a stool.  All with a toddler running circles around me. I think I'll get at least a little bit of sorting done! That and lots of naps. 
• The next weekend is the big Moms of Multiples sale. I've been once, before I was officially a MoM (mom of multiples), but this time I have the special treatment of being first in, bringing my sister as an escort (or bag holder), and I have my own special check out line with benches.  Can't get much better than that!  I'm hoping to find my stroller and some other twin gear.  
• After the big sale, I'm putting on a 2-year-old birthday (life goes on with the others!).  Luckily again, we have hand-me-down Lightning McQueen birthday stuff that we can re-use and he won't know the difference until years later when he realizes the similarities in pictures... that's what big brothers are for! 
• But, the biggest thing I'm looking forward to is my spring break the second week of March--no special trips or excursions. My boys do not have spring break this week. My husband does not have spring break this week. Just me...with Elliot to tag along of course.  I think I will call this my nesting week and I can't wait!  

21 Weeks: It's all good!

This past week has been really difficult, navigating and balancing all the parts of what my life is right now.  I don't want this to be a complaining post, so I won't dwell on it much, but I do want to say thank you to all of you who have shown your love in practical ways.  It's a constant reminder to myself that "this too shall pass" and I know that I will continue to be given the strength needed at the time needed.

I did a google search on twin vs. singleton pregnancies, mostly to just see if I was feeling normal twin feelings and to remember that I am not alone in this crazy journey called twin pregnancy.  Some of my favorite quotes/paraphrases are below:

"Think of all the aches and pains of your singleton pregnancy...then double it."
"When I realized I felt like 39 weeks at 20, I was so discouraged thinking it would just get worse. It didn't, it just plateaued and I felt like 39 weeks the rest of the time."
"Four little legs and four little arms. It feels like popcorn!"

I've been eagerly waiting for our 20 week ultrasound and this morning Aaron and I went for the level 2 ultrasound. Wow-- after laying still for 1 1/2 hours, and looking at every single tiny measurement, we got the clear that our babies look great.  Yay! It's so great to have confirmation that things are going as planned and the babies are growing as they should.  The babies are laying vertically now, instead of one on top of the other.  This is due to less space.  So, Baby A was head down, feet up and Baby B was head up, feet down when we started. They were wiggling so much that by the time we were done, they were opposite that.  It was fun to see.  Still keeping those genders a surprise though! I thought about trying to see if I could figure it out, but those pictures are so blurry and zooming in and zooming out, I'm sure whatever I would have thought I saw or didn't see would have been nothing anyway.  I'll just learn to be as laid back as Aaron and revel in the surprise!

I go back for another ultrasound at 24 weeks with the specialist because one of the babies wouldn't turn enough for them to get all of the spine pictures they needed. I'm guessing that will be a quick visit to just get the last few pictures. After that, I can have the rest of my ultrasounds at the OB office.

They check my cervix too to make sure the added pressure isn't causing the cervix to open, which would be cause for me to go on bed rest.  This was fine too and I'm not going on bed rest.  The selfish part of me would love to take something off my plate, even if meant boredom in my bed!  But, that would mean my pregnancy was a higher risk and I'd really like the babes to keep growing in-womb for as long as possible.

Finally, I added to my sleeping routine a huge pregnancy pillow. It's the Leachco pillow and I've only used it one night, in addition to my memory foam mattress. Besides the fact that I have this humongous pillow and am up above Aaron, probably pushing him off the bed with my contraptions, I slept so much better!  This pillow was a surprise on my doorstep from my sister last night.  Thank you!  I told Aaron he's going to have to get his own bed because I'm going to be taking up the whole thing pretty soon... but hey, I'm sleeping and that is a miracle in itself.

20 Weeks: Tired!

I'm sitting here after work trying to rack my brain about what to post this week and my brain just keeps repeating "So tired." Monday's are hard. Here's a short list from this past week:

• The babies are starting to move more. I thought maybe I'd feel them sooner and more often since I have two to feel, but so far this isn't the case.  There isn't enough movement for anyone else to feel yet, but that will change soon! 
• My hips started to really hurt when I slept this week. It is like I had been sleeping on the hard ground in a camping tent all night. Aaron bought me a cheap memory foam mattress and folded it in half for me. The pillow between my legs and even ankles has helped too.  I do feel like I'm looking down on my husband in bed now, while he sleep below, but it's better than waking up multiple times to roll over with achy hips.  
• I come home and make it through dinner and then I am done standing for the day. I have to sit in my recliner, hobbling around as little as possible. 
• Started swelling this week too. Not much, but I took off my wedding ring and have little rings around my ankles where my socks have been. 
• And, I'm tired. Really tired. I have chairs stationed around my classroom and basically teach standing up until I can reach the next closest chair and then sit there for awhile before I walk to the next chair--so glad I have great classes this year. 

It's all so different than a singleton pregnancy. I feel like I'm in that last stretch and yet I'm only at 20 weeks. Did I already say this? Oh well, you get it again. My sister said there is this time in pregnancy that you can pretty much for through your day and forget you are pregnant. Morning sickness gone, the aches haven't started, and you can just go about your life. But, with twins I feel like I jumped from first to third trimester and misses that wonderful 2nd trimester! Anyone pregnant with twins feel the same?

Next week is the big ultrasound! Yay for that. Aaron gets to see them this time too and that always makes it a little more real.

19 Weeks: Half Way!

There is a tradition at my church that moves me to tears, even when I'm not pregnant.  As a baby is either dedicated or baptized, the pastor walks down the long center aisle introducing the infant to his/her church family.  When they begin to walk back to the front, the congregation stands and together we raise up our hand towards the child and bless the baby with this blessing, in song.

The Lord bless you and keep you, 

The Lord make his face to shine upon you, 

And be gracious, gracious, to you. 

The Lord lift up his countenance upon you,

And give you, give you peace. 

The blessing surrounds and swirls around the child and the moment, every time, is filled with the power of God working in the child. It's beautiful. 

I was moved again to tears singing the song for another child in our church, realizing that the small children within my womb are also blessed by the Lord and He is gracious to them, even now before they officially enter this world. Praise be to God. 

I look back at the first 19 weeks, and ahead at 19 more weeks (or less I guess) and am amazed at hour far we've come.  It's an honor to carry children, even in the midst of the aches and pains, grant me the grace to carry them as far as they need to go.  

In other news, this past week, I had my first person ask me if I was ready to deliver! Oh yes. Granted I was hobbling to the bathroom after sitting for 3 hours of parent-teacher conferences, into my 12th hour of a 13 hour day (Gotta love conferences!).  The parent turned to me, said "Congratulation! You must be close to your due date!" I laughed.  "No, just having twins."  In my mind I was thinking, seriously?!? I know I'm larger than normal, but ready to pop, I'm not even half way yet!  Oh well--it could be worse.  

18 Weeks: "To sleep; perchance to dream"

Like I said in my previous post, I'm starting to post on Sundays instead of Wednesdays because my date was changed up a few days.

Growing larger. Starting to feel some small movements every now and again. Not quite as exhausted (thanks iron pills...).

But, sleeping is getting sporadic. Dreams are weird! Last week I dreamt that Aaron and I were running away from the Nazis. We were hiding, but not very well, because I couldn't get Aaron to stop throwing up.  The next night I dreamt that I was trying to mash up bananas for a baby and Aaron had this huge cat, like dog sized, and he was putting in on my head. Needless to say, I was not amused.  For those of you who don't know, I am not a cat person--at all.  Having a cat on my head in real life would make me quite upset. In my dream I was on the floor in a fetal position with my bowl of mashed bananas trying to tell Aaron I wasn't amused. I needed to feed the baby.  So crazy!

Each night I have no idea if I'm going to make it through the night without a trip to the bathroom (One night it was 4 times! I don't even know how that is possible).  Some nights I fall right back to sleep, but more often than not I start planning, thinking, etc.  In the middle of the night I made a plan to label my cupboards for when I have help after the babies are born--good idea.  I entered a sweepstakes for a year's worth of free diapers--good luck. I made my lesson plans for the week--not necessary in the middle of the night! I just sit there and hope to fall back to sleep.

Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks. This will hopefully be the last with the specialist. Hopefully, because that means things are going well.  I'm feeling OK, depending on the day.  Parent-teacher conferences this week.  I may have a different opinion about my feelings by Friday!

Thanks for all of the support and encouragement that has come from writing this blog. I wasn't expecting the outpouring and it's been truly wonderful.

17 Weeks: Untitled

I couldn't think of a great title for this week; just not quite in the creative mood tonight. :-)  I'm actually a little over 17 weeks. After my last visit, they bumped the date just a bit. So, this means I will try to start updating on Sundays instead of Wednesdays to be better on track.

I loved my OB doctor that I saw this week. He was so informative and encouraging.  I got some iron supplements to help with the tiredness I'm feeling and he helped me try to consider whether to try for a VBAC or a c-section.  I know he can't predict, and he said as much, but he did tell me I could very likely make it all the way to 38 weeks.  Not sure if that was good news or bad news! Ha! Good news for the babes, a little dreadful for me.

I had Monday off from teaching and so decided to be pro-active and make a meal plan for the week, including starting the meals. I cooked all of the ground beef I'd need and put it into baggies. I ran out of steam and didn't make it to the grocery store to pick up the rest of the ingredients! I ordered the rest of the ingredients off of Coborns Delivers instead. Love this company. They dropped off my groceries at my front door while I was working and tonight I came home with everything ready to go. Yay!

I don't have much inspiration or deep thoughts to share this week. It's just a completely different pregnancy than a singleton pregnancy. I can't believe how different I feel (tired and sore and achy).  I'm hanging in there, but I still have quite a ways to go!

Next update on Sunday!

16 Weeks: "You are so lucky"

After telling friends, family, even strangers that I am pregnant with twins, the reactions have ranged from complete shock, surprise (always surprise), and various levels of congratulations.  However, when I was dropping Elliot off at daycare, my daycare provider exclaimed over and over, "You are so lucky. You are so lucky!"

I've been thinking about her response and seeing her idea of 'luck' really meaning blessed.  "You are so blessed. You are so blessed!"  Yes, we are so blessed.  The excitement is rolling in amidst the questions and the excitement is taking over the anxiety, because truly we are blessed to be on this journey.

This week has been full of large and small blessings.  I'm still tired. I guess I can't blame my body after standing and walking, bending and squatting, in this profession called middle school teaching. Then, coming home to three rowdy boys, mouths to feed, and a house to maintain. Let's be honest though, Aaron has been doing most of the house maintaining!  It's tiring.

We received two homemade meals this week from my sister-in-law, and my sister just offered to make us a meal once a week.  I almost didn't want to say yes, because what happens when we are at 30 weeks or when we are in the throes of infant hood? But, we are blessed to have family that cares all along the way and I am so grateful.

My ultrasound with the perinatal specialist went great, another blessing.  The technician was so funny, calling the babies Peanut A and Peanut B.  She kept our secret of the genders for us.  Both are healthy. Baby A measured in around 6 ounces and Baby B around 5 ounces.  All their little hands and feet, heart and brain, etc were functioning and in working condition. It was fun to see them moving around.

More things I learned:

• Baby A and Baby B shouldn't be more than 20% different in size. This happens when the umbilical cord is attached to the side of the placenta instead of the middle (in the case of Baby B).  They'll watch the smaller baby all along and then decide what to do if the size difference increases. So far, we're good. 
• I need to produce 5X the amount of insulin! A singleton pregnancy needs 3X.  This could likely mean gestational diabetes... could mean this. There is no way of knowing yet as I was able to produce enough for my previous kids, so we don't know if I can keep up with 5X yet. 
• The placentas work harder (I have 2), which means the doctors will keep a closer eye on these too.  This makes my due date really 38 weeks, rather than 40.  So.... new date is June 12!  Could be earlier too, obviously. 
• Something to think about... I can still do a vaginal birth if I go into labor naturally. I had assumed a c-section based on my past experiences, but the doctor said it's different because the babies are smaller, Baby A is larger and will "pave the way" for Baby B (Baby A is always the lower baby).  I hadn't even considered this... 

We are so lucky. We are so blessed.

15 Weeks

The tiredness of the first trimester has let up...a little.  Just a little.  I went back to work on January 4 and that day was exhausting! So much tightness and cramping. I put my feet up on our recliner from the moment I got home until I went to bed. What would I do without my amazing husband who ran the entire house of 3 crazy boys?

Speaking of Aaron, he's been a single dad for much of each evening. He cleans, he plays, he does the laundry, and puts the kids to bed.  Over and over again.  Then, here am I, propping my feet up and trying to hobble around after giving most of my energy to my students. It doesn't seem fair somehow.  I think I'm going to try and figure out how to rearrange my classroom desks so I can basically sit and teach--with 7th graders we'll see!

Things I've learned this week:
1. I have a di/di pregnancy, which is the least risky of twin pregnancies. This just means that the little ones have their own amniotic sac and their own placentas.  Does it mean they are fraternal? Maybe. Maybe not.

2. I should be drinking 64oz of water a day... yeah. I tried that and I ran to the bathroom so many times throughout the day I think my students will need to end up teaching themselves.

3. My target delivery date is 38 weeks, but I've read this is most likely earlier. Who knows? This is the part that probably has me most anxious. Will I be on bed rest? Will I go early? How early is too early? What are those little guys doing in there to stay safe, grow strong, and keep developing well? What do I do to make sure this happens?

4.  This blog I read gave me this tips that I am planning to try:

• feed the babies at the same time, even if it means waking one up.
• keep enough bottles for an entire day (nurse or not... post for another day), then wash them in the dishwasher while you are "sleeping." 
• trade feedings at night with spouse; feed alone, but get to sleep just a tad bit more.  
• take help--all help you can get and try to keep a list of things people can do to help.  

The shock is starting to wear off and my planning brain has begun... to continue ceaselessly until the babies are born, well probably forever now!

"It looks like there are two in here!"

The first surprise was finding out we were pregnant. After a house full of 3 boys, a 4th child, although a surprise, was going to be OK.  I'd never had an unplanned pregnancy, the feelings of uncertainty and processing the future felt different, but I was still excited.

It was week 11 when I went for a routine dating ultrasound.  I went alone, knowing it was easier with Aaron at home with the kids. And really, we'd confirm the date, I'd get to see the little arm and leg stubs wiggling around and fall in love with that little baby.

The technician had barely begun moving her probe around my belly when she paused, saying, "Well, it looks like there are two in here; I'll just have to change your chart here before we move on."

"What?!?!"

I'm sure if I hadn't been gooped up with ultrasound goo and laying on the bed, I would have jumped up.  After my initial outburst, I got quiet and even more quiet, if that was possible.  Watching those two little babies bumping into one another was both amazingly incredible and unbelievably overwhelming.

Since then, I can't believe this journey of ours! It sometimes feels like this is all I think about. My mind won't stop racing with the endless lists and questions of what this pregnancy and life will be like.

I've learned that this pregnancy is so different than previous. What I think I know, I don't.  I. Am. Tired. So. Tired.  The aches and pains usually reserved for 3rd trimester have already begun.

I've learned that I'll be off to see the the OB/GYN, mixed in with a specialist, mixed in with many, many ultrasounds.

So many questions, not too many answers, but a peace is coming as we prepare for these two precious little babies growing steadily.  Praise God for his sovereignty. He called us to this noble task. Without Him, it would feel impossible, with Him, we will thrive (even in our bleary eyed days ahead--how will we sleep?!?).