32 Weeks: Trust.

The speaker at church this morning said that rather than pray for clarity in our life, our future, our situation, to instead pray to trust God more.  God doesn't always give us clarity at the times we think we desperately need it, but we need to trust that He is God. Our life is God's plan, His choices, and for His glory.  Do I pray to trust God more? No, I usually pray for that clear direction.  It was a good reminder today to take each day, sometimes each moment, at a time and learn to trust in just that next step.

This week has been all about trying to figure out this gestational diabetes thing, and really feeling like I'm totally unsure of what I'm doing! The diabetes educator was super helpful, basically telling me that I'm not eating enough--eat more, as if I'm not eating all day long as it is.  However, I can't keep my morning numbers down.  Gestational diabetes is caused entirely because of the hormones that the placenta creates.  Hormone levels are highest in the morning and because I have two placentas, even higher. My body is unable to compensate for the surge of hormones making my blood sugar rise.  Long story short, I learned to inject myself with insulin each night before I go to bed.  I was a bit freaked out, but it isn't as bad as it seemed at first. She made me practice at the clinic with an empty needle, just to see what it feels like--in my stomach. Yep.  She said, "Oh, you have so many stretch marks. Let's try not to inject around any stretch marks." Yes, yes I do.  My belly is a war path of the multiple children that have grown inside of me, and having two this time has not improved the situation, but only created more jagged lines and scars all across my mid section.  So, I inject where there aren't any scars.  I think my skin is mostly numb though, so I don't even feel the needle, which by the way, is only a 1/4 inch long.  All this to say, I'm not thrilled with the situation, I wish this all were over, but in the end, I gotta do what I gotta do.  These babies need more time, they need a healthy blood sugar level from me, so if I have to poke myself all over the place, so be it.

It's that reminder again to trust instead of ask for clarity.  Trust.

I start my two times a week visits tomorrow.  The end is near and I'm ready to be done.  My energy level is low, I can't walk very well, and now I snore.  I think I probably snored with the other kids too, but I'm not sure.  I bought some of those breathe right strips-- very classy to go along with my monster pillows.  Poor Aaron is first kicked out of our bed and now gets to lay awake while I snore away, then moan as I roll over.  Ha! I can't even lay on my back for more than a few seconds now because the weight of those babies is so heavy.

32 weeks.  This is the milestone I've been waiting for. I'm not sure, but I think that if I were to go into labor now, they wouldn't try to stop it.  I'll get clarity (get it?) from the doctor tomorrow when I see him, but we're getting down there.  I'm also going to see what the doctor says about working 40 hours a week at this point.

Car seats are in; that was a creative feat in itself to try to make 4 carseats fit into one car.  Aaron figured it out and although tight, I think it will work. Right now the two big boys are in the back. We might move Elliot back there instead just because it cuts down on the squabbling from the back if they aren't together!  We bought a futon off of craigslist this afternoon, so we are ready for those long-term visitors (thanks Moms!) when they come to help out.

This is kind of a rambling post, but that's kind of what it's like right now, just rambling spurts as my mind races from one to-do list to the next, but here I sit, because actually getting up and doing that list is a little too much right now.  Oh well-- sometime.  :-)