29 Weeks: Gestational Diabetes...Boo.

May the mind of Christ, my Savior

live in me from day to day, 

by his love and power controlling 

all I do and say. 

I found out on Saturday that I do indeed have gestational diabetes. Boo. I don't know much more than that.  I have a little app that tells me my test results, so I haven't actually talked to a doctor or anyone else about it.  I was pretty bummed.  Then, in church today, we sang this song as our opening hymn. A flood of memories came rushing through me because Aaron and his dad sang this song at our wedding.  I was reminded of our beginnings. I was reminded of the "mind of Christ, my Savior" and to focus not this one-more-thing-to-add-to-the-twin-pregnancy-list, but instead to focus on the larger picture.  His love and power can control all I do and say. 

May the word of God dwell richly 

in my heart from hour to hour, 

so that all may see I triumph 

only through his power. 

Sometimes it is "hour to hour" that I need to be reminded of who I am.  It is in each hour that I may recognize the triumphs.  I look back at our 12 years of marriage and the triumphs that have been ours to name.  This pregnancy today will also be a triumph, only through His power.  

May the peace of God, my Father, 

rule my life in everything, 

that I may be calm to comfort 

sick and sorrowing. 

Peace.  Some days I wonder what that looks like.  Aaron spent most of his spring break this week caring for a sick baby... again... Elliot had tonsillitis, plus a double ear infection. We are moving ahead with tubes in his ears.  Peace was seeing our boy's fun personality return, with his energy and his chatter.  I'm learning that peace isn't always quiet. Peace isn't always relaxing. Peace rules my life that I may be calm to comfort. This pregnancy has felt anything but peace, but singing this song this morning reminded me of the calm that comes resting in God's plan. 

May the love of Jesus fill me 

as the waters fill the sea. 

Him exalting, self abasing: 

this is victory. 

It's all God, isn't it.  May the love of Jesus fill me.  My victory is not in myself or even in my diagnosis, my road ahead (of no desserts!!), or in the pregnancy itself. Let me find victory beyond myself. 

May we run the race before us, 

strong and brave to face the foe, 

looking only unto Jesus 

as we onward go. 

I'm not sure I'll be running anywhere soon, but this journey has felt like a race, and this pregnancy has felt like the foe at times.  However, onward I go. I need help to look to Jesus, to be brave, to be strong.  This is the only stanza that says "we" instead of "I" or "we." This pregnancy is a race we've embarked on and alone I would not be moving forward.  Together, I am able. 

All this to say, I have gestational diabetes. It's just one more step in this journey called twin pregnancy.  Thanks to the choice of music in church today because it made this unknown path seem bearable, less overwhelming, and OK.