36 Weeks: Bored...

The good news... We've made it to 36 weeks. Yippee! The bad news... I'm bored.  This bedrest thing is great for the babies, but wow, I'm going out of my mind sitting around watching the world go by (or my family go by).  I move from the living room out to our 3-season porch. Then, I use the bathroom, pretty much every single time I stand up, and move to our TV room.  I sit there for awhile and then repeat the locations.  I watch movies, I read, I paid the bills, I folded clothes. I started working on Elliot's Christmas stocking that does actually need to get done, but then I get bored and don't do a thing.  Just sit.  It's not like I'm desperate for visitors or anything like that. I like being alone; the introvert in me. When I think about it though, I'm really excited that we've made it this far.  The babies are growing and passing all of their little NST and biophysical tests.

This week was two more appointments.  I am still dilated 4cm, which means the bedrest is working.  Taking the pressure off has lessened my Braxton Hicks contractions too.  The babies passed their biophysical ultrasound on Thursday. They were taking a nap when we started and she was able to get their heart rates, measure their amniotic fluid, check their blood flow from the placenta, but they weren't moving.  We tried laying on my side, drinking a large glass of cold water, shaking my belly.  Finally, they started waking up and moving enough to pass their little test.   Since I knew they had just been moving around while I was sitting in the waiting room, I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do a second test... thankfully, I was able to leave with them both scoring their 8/8 points.

Next up are more appointments this week and more bedrest.  Oh, another thing I'm tired of... watching what I eat! I'm tired of protein bars, apples, peanut butter, and eggs.  I tend to eat what I know will work for my blood sugar, but it limits the selection. I'd rather just play it safe instead of experiment with different foods.  Breakfast is always the same, my evening snack is always the same.  I change it up at lunch and supper, but that's just because I have so many people bringing us meals.  It's not much longer, and my failed experiments mean high blood sugar for the babies too, so I just keep eating the same snacks day in and day out.  Awesome.

Picture taken by myself as my family is out on a walk, leaving me behind again! :-) I need one of those motorized wheelchairs. Ha!

35 Weeks: Counting Down...

Well, the big news this week is that I quit working on Wednesday.  I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and because I am dilated to between 3-4 cm, the doctor told me to quit working and to rest.  So resting I am.  I'm able to get up to use bathroom, to shower, and to do "light cooking."  I'm not sure how light that means, but basically I don't do much.

I haven't gone totally bored yet because my sister came up to visit and my aunt was here another day. We'll see how that all pans out this next week.  I have been reading, which is honestly something I absolutely love to do. Now I can read to my hearts content without feeling guilty that I have something else I should be doing.  Yes, there are chores to do, but I just sit, sit and read.

Now that the end is in sight, I've been searching and reading discussion posts about when and how labor has started for moms of twins.  I feel like I don't even know what to expect when I'm sure it's much like every other labor I've had!  When will it happen? Will the babies need NICU time? Will I make it to 38 weeks and my scheduled c-section? Can you be dilated to almost 4cm for 3 weeks?  Will my water break first? Based on the doctor's prediction I guess I can forget about the easy go-to-the-scheduled-csection-and-forget-about-contractions-labor-pushing-pain! Oh well.

My ultrasound biophysical test was fine again.  Baby A is pushing lower and lower (hence the dilation) and Baby B has decided to start turning head down as well. They measure 5 lbs 11 oz and 5 lbs 15, give or take some. The measurements aren't entirely accurate but based on an educated guess after measuring the femur bone (not taking into account a big or little thigh!), the head and the stomach.  The ultrasound technician was as chipper as ever and the babies were so squished in there it would have been near impossible to get any kind of cute face shots. I have plenty of pictures of the kids and grainy ultrasound pictures are fine, but nothing like the real deal!

So, I continue to hobble around, feel huge, and just wait this thing out!  Short post, I know, but it's just this waiting game right now that we all feel at the end of pregnancy.

34 Weeks: Thankful

Honestly, I'm done. I'm tired and I'm done. Aaron and the boys are going out for a walk and I don't remember the last time I went for a walk. I want to go for a walk. But, they are all out of the house and so when deciding what to write tonight, I was reminded of way back in high school. 

My sister was in elementary school and it was her first time away from Mom and Dad at boarding school. Every single afternoon, I would walk up to her house or to the playground and find her.  She would be an emotional mess some days and other days withdrawn, but always sad.  She was homesick.  I didn't know how to make things better, but had an idea.  Each time I came up, we made a list of things that were good that day, things she was thankful for.  Often times, the list was short and superficial, like she had french fries for lunch, or the sun was shining.  But, over time, it helped.  Thinking about her list of thanks, in the midst of my weariness, I am going to make a list of thanks for this week, because I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot.  (By the way, she loved boarding school and doesn't regret starting so early!)

1. I'm thankful for my ultrasound technician. She makes me laugh and since I see her every week, she remembers me. She just chatters the entire time.  I love that she looks at these grainy pictures and oohs and aahs over the baby anatomy. "Oh, look at that beautiful gall bladder!" I'm thinking, that black spot? Beautiful? I guess I'll take your word for it. Really, not sure that I care about beautiful gall bladders, but she does.  She showed me that Baby A was gnawing on his/her fist and we could see the little tongue sucking motions.  That was amazing.  She is upbeat, encouraging, and loves the details of her job.  

2. I'm thankful for the church family that took Henry and Elliot with them on Saturday from about 10am until late in the afternoon.  The house noise level went from loud and 2-year-old crazy, to so quiet, we didn't know what to do with ourselves. I took a nap. Aaron took a nap. We sat on the couch and just sat.  It was amazing and so needed.  Thank you. 

3. I'm thankful for my boys. Samuel and Henry have been so helpful and they don't complain. They don't complain when I ask Samuel to lift Elliot into the crib at night because I can't.  They don't complain when I ask them to play with Elliot on the playground because I can't. They get me water, snacks, and reach down to pick the things off the floor that I can't reach any longer. I'm so thankful for them.  

4.  Speaking of family, I am thankful for Aaron. I came home from work on Friday and beautiful,  yellow tulips were waiting for me on the clean kitchen counter.  He reminded me of our wedding vows and added "in chaos and in peace."  Yep! Why that phrase isn't in the traditional vows I don't know, but after 12 years, much of it chaos, I think it should be added.  I'm just thankful that he does it all.  

5. I'm thankful for my mother and father-in-law who took time off work to spend the entire day at our house on Monday cleaning, going grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, folding and washing mountains upon mountains of laundry, and filling our freezer with meals.  Amazing. 

6. I'm thankful for the continuous Monday meals my sister makes and the laundry folding and house cleaning my aunt does every single Tuesday.  Again, just amazing. 

7.  I'm thankful that I have a group of students this year that allow me to teach from desk. They don't require me to move to them, to use my "proximity" classroom management. They get their work done, they help pass out papers, and they don't cause me grief.  Any of you middle school teachers out there know that this might be a small miracle in itself!  I did tell them they were in double trouble if I had to get out of my seat to take care of their behavior... Just this week, one student took the papers out of my hand saying, "Why are you standing, Mrs. Bryant? Sit down, I'll do this for you."  They are so great.  Without classes like this I would not be working at 34 weeks. No way. 

8. I'm thankful that it's 34 weeks! I've made it to another milestone.  If I delivered before 34 weeks, I'd have to travel so far to a hospital that could handle the little babies.  Now, I can deliver at the hospital that is closest to us.  Bring on the babies! 

9.  I'm thankful for my sister who has given of her time to donate milk to our little babies. If they are in the NICU, if I can't produce enough, if they need a supplement, she has been storing little bags of milk for me and I know that's not easy.  Like they say, "liquid gold."  Thank you for the sacrifice.  

10.  I'm thankful for a life group that stands beside us and a group of people, all busy themselves, that ask how they can give of themselves to make our lives just a little bit easier. 

These 10 things that I'm thankful for are all just from this week.  Yes, I'm exhausted and burned out. I told Aaron I think God planned pregnancy this way so that by the time a woman gets to this point, she's so ready for it to be done, she is completely ready to just have the kids!  He said, "except you've been miserable the whole time." Well, yes, in differing degrees, I have been. It's been a hard road, but it's been a good road too.  

This week is another non-stress test and doctor check on Tuesday and then a biophysical ultrasound on Thursday. Did you know that most twin moms see the doctor only once a week at this point and do the ultrasound, non-stress test, and OB check all at one time? My doctor prefers I see someone twice a week so that the babies are never a few days out from being check. I should add that to number 11 of things I'm thankful for-- a cautious doctor. It's a lot of appointments, but I prefer it this way.  My babies are well cared for and checked often.  

Thank you! Thank you. I could have gone on an on with the things I'm thankful for, like the comments on Facebook, the emails, and messages.  But, this post is getting quite long!  

P.S. My sweet boys just got back from their walk and brought me lilacs. 

33 Weeks: Hangin' in There!

Happy Mother's Day to me! Really, right now, every day is Mother's Day around here.  When Aaron asked what I wanted for a special meal for him to make, I wanted to laugh-- special meal? That I didn't have to make? I haven't been cooking for awhile now and Aaron has taken the reins on cooking along with all of the meal help we've had from my sister and others.  Him making me a meal would be one more thing for him to do in the midst of all that he is currently doing around here. Bless him.

The big news around here is that at my appointment on Monday the doctor told me I had started dilating to 2 cm and was 80% effaced.  Here's the way that went down.

I knew that I wanted to ask about bed rest and about how long women typically work during a twin pregnancy.  I was hooked up to my first non-stress test (NST)--a combination of heart monitors for the babes, a contraction monitor for me, and a button to press each time I felt movement.  In the midst of pressing the button over and over with the active playing that goes on inside non-stop all day, my doctor came into check in on me.

He sat down on the chair and asked, "So, how are things going?"

"Well, basically the same." I then asked him when labor would just be allowed to progress, without trying to stop it and when to stop working.  He smiled that nerdy smile that he has, it's endearing and I've grown to really trust him and his judgement.  Maybe it's because I have seen him so much and he actually knows me now, I'm not just another name on a chart he quickly runs through before entering the room.

He said, "Well, you are 32 weeks which means you are probably carrying like you are 37 weeks along.  This isn't any different than a pregnant woman carrying one child at 37 weeks."

Meanwhile I'm thinking in my head, "Uh, no. I've had three single pregnancies, and this is different.  I don't care that I'm only measuring 37 weeks, it feels like 47!"

He continued, "When you start measuring 42 weeks, let's talk about quitting work.  I can write up the papers for you anytime, but you are going to be so bored if you just stay home all day. You should just keeping working as long as you can." Bored?!? Maybe, but I doubt it!

This conversation happened while I was still strapped to the NST machine, counting movements and watching their little hearts steadily beat.  They passed their test.  However, when he did get around to checking me, he smiled that same smile again, "Well, you're 2 cm dilated. Now we need to have a different conversation. You'll be on an increased schedule."

What this means is that I have go to work late, at 9am. After "helping" to get the kids ready in the morning, they leave around 6:30am. Then, I head to the couch and lay down until 8:30 when I go to work. When I come home from work I lay on the couch again for another 2 hours.  I've been doing this all week and I go back again tomorrow to see if I'm still dilating. If I am, I'll be put on a more restricted rest schedule. I'm really nervous.

A part of me wants to be done working. But, I don't want to lay in bed all day either. I want these babies out, but I want them to be healthy and safe. I want to be able to stand up, walk where I want to go, at any pace I feel like. Instead I stand, pause for the pain to ease, and then hobble to where I need to go, sit down again at the earliest possible point.  I want to grab whatever I feel like eating. But, I don't want to have these babies deal with effects of gestational diabetes.

This post is getting really long, but besides learning about non-stress tests, I've also had an ultrasound this week called a biophysical.  Each baby needs to earn 8 points from the technician. They get points for their fetal breathing (practice breathing that shows their lungs are developing), their movements, their heart rate, and the amount of amniotic fluid they each have.  Both passed easily on Thursday. If either of them were to fail their test, I'd hook up to the NST and then if I still failed, we'd head to the hospital. Again, tomorrow, if the kiddos fail their NST test, then I'll do an ultrasound right away to double check what's happening. The ultrasound technician said that sometimes they fail their NST because one of them is sleeping and we don't count as much movement.

So, I'm "hangin' in there" and without the help we've received, this pregnancy would not be as manageable as it has been. I'm so grateful, beyond grateful for the love shown to our family.  It's truly amazing, humbling, and life giving as we hobble to the end here.

32 Weeks: Trust.

The speaker at church this morning said that rather than pray for clarity in our life, our future, our situation, to instead pray to trust God more.  God doesn't always give us clarity at the times we think we desperately need it, but we need to trust that He is God. Our life is God's plan, His choices, and for His glory.  Do I pray to trust God more? No, I usually pray for that clear direction.  It was a good reminder today to take each day, sometimes each moment, at a time and learn to trust in just that next step.

This week has been all about trying to figure out this gestational diabetes thing, and really feeling like I'm totally unsure of what I'm doing! The diabetes educator was super helpful, basically telling me that I'm not eating enough--eat more, as if I'm not eating all day long as it is.  However, I can't keep my morning numbers down.  Gestational diabetes is caused entirely because of the hormones that the placenta creates.  Hormone levels are highest in the morning and because I have two placentas, even higher. My body is unable to compensate for the surge of hormones making my blood sugar rise.  Long story short, I learned to inject myself with insulin each night before I go to bed.  I was a bit freaked out, but it isn't as bad as it seemed at first. She made me practice at the clinic with an empty needle, just to see what it feels like--in my stomach. Yep.  She said, "Oh, you have so many stretch marks. Let's try not to inject around any stretch marks." Yes, yes I do.  My belly is a war path of the multiple children that have grown inside of me, and having two this time has not improved the situation, but only created more jagged lines and scars all across my mid section.  So, I inject where there aren't any scars.  I think my skin is mostly numb though, so I don't even feel the needle, which by the way, is only a 1/4 inch long.  All this to say, I'm not thrilled with the situation, I wish this all were over, but in the end, I gotta do what I gotta do.  These babies need more time, they need a healthy blood sugar level from me, so if I have to poke myself all over the place, so be it.

It's that reminder again to trust instead of ask for clarity.  Trust.

I start my two times a week visits tomorrow.  The end is near and I'm ready to be done.  My energy level is low, I can't walk very well, and now I snore.  I think I probably snored with the other kids too, but I'm not sure.  I bought some of those breathe right strips-- very classy to go along with my monster pillows.  Poor Aaron is first kicked out of our bed and now gets to lay awake while I snore away, then moan as I roll over.  Ha! I can't even lay on my back for more than a few seconds now because the weight of those babies is so heavy.

32 weeks.  This is the milestone I've been waiting for. I'm not sure, but I think that if I were to go into labor now, they wouldn't try to stop it.  I'll get clarity (get it?) from the doctor tomorrow when I see him, but we're getting down there.  I'm also going to see what the doctor says about working 40 hours a week at this point.

Car seats are in; that was a creative feat in itself to try to make 4 carseats fit into one car.  Aaron figured it out and although tight, I think it will work. Right now the two big boys are in the back. We might move Elliot back there instead just because it cuts down on the squabbling from the back if they aren't together!  We bought a futon off of craigslist this afternoon, so we are ready for those long-term visitors (thanks Moms!) when they come to help out.

This is kind of a rambling post, but that's kind of what it's like right now, just rambling spurts as my mind races from one to-do list to the next, but here I sit, because actually getting up and doing that list is a little too much right now.  Oh well-- sometime.  :-)